Passport To Refreshment

Leander55-013

I’d be pretty miffed, too, if all I had to drink was 12 oz in a Coke bottle. What’s that–three sips? That’s like drinking one glass of wine, one Pringle, one chip with salsa. It’s just a tease. But no worries–as soon as school was out, the kids hit the corner drug store for (no, not anti-depressants) fellowship, gossip, and soda pop.

Leander55-017

Toss ’em back, girls. Finals are tomorrow and you’ll have to pull an all-nighter. And I’m not sure NoDoz has been invented yet. But take heart; in just two score years, the soda will be flowing like the River Thames.

http://www.slate.com/
http://www.slate.com/

SEVEN OUNCES! AM I READING THAT CORRECTLY? THAT’S A SHOT GLASS. But mercy, did it triple, quadruple, and whatever words there are for getting six times bigger. But that ain’t nothin’. Sonic sells the Route 44. Don’t you want to take the Nestea plunge into this cherry limeade?

cherry_limeade

Come to think of it, where’s the Route 66? Would that fit in the cupholder? Maybe, but it would dilute by the time I got home. Ugh! First World Problems!

Now, honestly, do you think they were only drinking one soda per sitting back in the day? That’s not what the soda companies wanted. When research in the 1930s showed that people’s blood sugar went down at 10:30am, 2:30pm, and 4:30pm, Dr. Pepper was all over that with their new slogan. Those of you who are slaves to the man have real jobs recognize these three times. I bet you get your caffeine on at 10, 2 and 4.

http://www.drpeppermuseum.com/
http://www.drpeppermuseum.com/

Yeah, there’s no way they just drank one. Think about it. If you’re on a date with Johnny, it only takes about three minutes to get through an entire bottle. Then what do you drink?

Aerie53032

What did they drink before free refills? Did they order water? Did they just sit and get dehydrated for the next hour? There is no way I could eat Mexican food with only 12 oz to wash it down, especially if I just swallowed a serrano pepper.

Maybe they only drank one soda so they could save room for this:

I know; Shorpy is awesome.
I know; Shorpy is awesome.

I meant the ice cream, not the soda jerk. Although he looks dapper in his starched whites. Can you begin to imagine what that would taste like? Ice cream from a cow that ate grass, that roamed around on a farm, not pumped full of growth hormones or antibiotics, before the estrogenization of dairy, before man boobs and low T. Sorry, I’m off on a tangent. Where were we again? Oh, yeah. Soda. Could it get any crazier?

It has.

lesters-sodas-flavors

So what’s the answer? Where do we go from here?

http://www.artfire.com/
http://www.artfire.com/

Oops. Nevermind. That’s actually a lighter.

15 thoughts on “Passport To Refreshment”

  1. Also, that is the smallest ice cream cone EVER. That is not enough ice cream on that thing to satisfy a toddler. I think that three of those would be needed to equal one junior cone.

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  2. I know a lot of people who go cuckoo for Mexican Coke because it is still made with real sugar. Why is that a thing? We’re American darn it! We can handle real sugar in the fake, artificial beverages that we are killing ourselves with!

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    1. Yeah, I see folks here throw down $3 for a Mexican Coke as well, but I don’t do that bc I want my free refills. Sugar costs a lot more than corn syrup. When corn syrup was made widely available in the 80s, restaurants began increasing the size of their sodas. We also have Dublin Dr. Pepper in Texas, which is made w/ real sugar in Dublin, TX, and people pay more for that as well. It is America, darn it!

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    1. Right? I remember in college in 1992, I would go by McDonald’s in the morning and get a Jurassic Park cup full of Coke and I thought that was an enormous at 32 oz. And no refill.

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