Now that businesses are opening up, folks are itching to get out of their houses and back to work. After seven weeks sans income, my husband returned to his job, carrying his mask and his hand sanitizer (which they are selling at 7-11 for $8 at about 3 oz!), making the arduous commute into Austin. Many young folks in Austin aren’t wearing masks at all, or much of anything, according to this picture taken at Lake Travis on Saturday. I guess they figured social distancing is just a suggestion.
My heart breaks to think of the healthcare workers on their feet for multiple shifts at a time, unable to eat or bathe, trying to cope with the trauma they witness as best they can, scared to carry unseen germs into their homes. My heart breaks for the victims who had no loving hand to hold during their final moments, no solace or comfort before they left their bodies forever, bodies destined to be shoved into makeshift coolers in New York. Perhaps it takes maturity, decades of learned compassion, prioritizing and realizing that this life is not about selfishness, and we all need each other to make it. Survival of the fittest is not the goal.
I get it. I want to be where the people are. I want to cavort again. But even though I’ve daily jogged and tried to stay positive, taking hot baths and reading scripture, ignoring endless negative articles thrown my way, I evidently could not tell my own body to chill. My muscles got so tight and restricted in my neck and chest last Sunday, that I could barely breathe for two days, and I wound up in an ambulance, headed to ER (the last place on earth you want to be during COVID). My temp was 98.0, and I had no cough at all, so they didn’t waste a virus test on me. They determined that the chest pain, SOB, and left arm numbness was not a heart attack, and sent me home. As they said, the job of ER is not to diagnose, but to “rule out.” That said, don’t be too hard on yourself if your body, your hormones, your emotions are so out of whack, no matter what you do for self -care. Dr. Phil said we are all in a fight or flight mode designed to last for several minutes, not several months, and we can’t control the way the body chooses to deal with it.
So I’ll stay home yet again, watching the cars roll down the street.
Knowing that soon, I’ll be riding tandem bikes again.
And crossing streets with my peeps.
Watching films at the theater. Okay, I won’t do that because I hate seeing movies in public, listening to babies cry and patrons chew popcorn loudly. Guh-ross. But you can.
And won’t we be celebrating then?
I Don't Get It 
Kerbey, I’m so sorry to hear about your visit to the ER. I am right where you are sister. Every word you said is exactly what I am feeling too. I know I should relax but my body is not cooperating. Stay strong friend. And know you’re not alone.
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I hate to hear that you understand, but it’s also good when you don’t feel alone. I went to the chiropractor down the road the next day bc I was desperate to just inhale without pain, and he did snap crackle and pop my neck (I was the only patient there, and he was suited up in mask and gloves), and he said it was perfectly common for muscles to seize up despite our knowing, and he couldn’t count how many folks had spent all night in ER with undiagnosed chest pain, only to show up at his office doorstep at 5am, waiting to be adjusted. It’s hard to relax! I left there feeling not so crazy, and wishing I’d only spent the $50 on him instead of the thousands in ER. Ugh. Hugs to you.
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Hugs to you too! ❤
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You were clearly done in by a lack of cavorting. I’m not sure exactly how one cavorts but you need to do more of it to stay out of hospitals. Did you know they are full of sick people? You don’t want to be anywhere near there. I find the occasional beer or four keeps things in perspective. Sometimes it’s worth losing perspective just to get the beer but that’s only my theory. Just remember as the bear said after eating the ranger, “this too shall pass.” (Insert groan as old as your photos) OK, I’ll stop now. Stay well, we need you around this joint.
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Gracias. I so did not want to be where the ill were that I refused transport the first time they came by. Within half an hour, my whole body was numb and shaking, so I had to humbly call 911 again and have them all show up, firemen and EMS, and all the nosy neighbor staring at me. They did an EKG and my heart was fine, but they sold me this line of how women in their late 40s are often asymptomatic and I needed to go get blood work done to ensure I do not have a heart attack. I was super aware of everything that I was touching and how EW it was. The lady told me to grab a bar while she was doing an x-ray, and I was like, “You mean this clean bar that you just wiped down?” And yesterday I did have two rounds of Redemption bourbon on the rocks so I am not totalling the tea.
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It can be mighty scary when something’s gone wrong and you don’t know what the problem is. I can imagine the family members were going bananas. Well, at least you know the neighbors are all gossiping about you today. Probably Skyping their friends and family, posting photos of your extraction on Facebook, Instagramming your interaction with EMS, shoots it might be in The New York Times by now. But, hey, no worries. 👿 Main thing is all is Okey Dokey.
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Ha!
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I am truly sorry to hear about your trip to the ER. I can also relate to the anxiety that would cause you to make the call. I have made that call before and really felt like an idiot afterward. ( mistook indigestion for angina.)You should always do what you consider is the best for you and don’t let anyone talk you into anything you aren’t comfortable with. Take care and stay safe.
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Thanks! I have felt like an idiot a few times calling them as well.
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I am sorry for your scare and trip to the ER, Kerbey, but glad they ruled out the worst causes. This crisis just won’t leave our minds alone, and that plays mean tunes on the rest of ourselves on down to the tippy-toes. I am with you on vigilance and wondering why and how other people can just throw all the caution out the window immediately while others sacrifice so much every day.
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Keep on healing. Such surreal times. How are you feeling today?
Big hugs,
Theadora
(And as always, thanks for the daily inspiration!)
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Much better, Theadora! Thanks!
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Oh, this is great news! (We need your wit and archives!)
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🙂 🙂 🙂
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