You’re The One That I Font

KU-1940Fall001

One thing I lack on my po’ person’s WordPress theme is the ability to change font (or the skill to access it). But if I had a genie and three wishes, one would be to sleep seven magical hours without changing positions at twelve minute intervals and/or pee out water I drank way back at 8pm, and then the second might be to imbibe endless ice-cold bubbly Cokes (with the perfect syrup to CO2 ratio) without harm to my stomach lining or causing inflammation, but surely the third one would be to have a blog with this sweet-a$$ font, which I would call (of course): Jack’s Barber Shop. I hate that I can’t type that in the actual JBS font. Curses!

Wicked_witch

Most of us didn’t give much thought to font when we were young, but nowadays, it can change everything. Perhaps you’ve witnessed the hate crimes against poor Comic Sans?

comicsans-lemonadestand

And this lesser viewed one…

http://foreverblacksheep.blogspot.com/2013_06_01_archive.html
http://foreverblacksheep.blogspot.com

Fortunately, a new font was created.

http://www.technologytell.com/
http://www.technologytell.com/

Yeah, that’s pretty swank, and most everyone loves lemon (or a glass of limoncello). But the reality is that lemonade stands are not lucrative. No one knows his neighbor these days. That nasty diluted dixie cup of Country Time might be poisoned like Jonestown Kool-Aid. So thanks, but no, thanks.

Instead, you’re all invited to my tavern (it’s two blocks down, just past the Walgreen’s), and tonight we’ll serve $3 pints of Shiner Bock and mojitos until we run out. Or whatever it is your state enjoys…

http://www.finedininglovers.com/
http://www.finedininglovers.com/

If you live in Canada, chances are high that you’re enjoying Molson Canadian (ahem? freedom of choice? diversity?). We’ll keep some cold for you.

http://www.beerinfoindex.com/
http://www.beerinfoindex.com/

And if PERHAPS you live on Fantasy Island where all the words have K’s in them, you may find yourself on this craft beer snob map–although it is impossible to read because you are, after all, made up of teensy tiny islands.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/

The Wurlitzer jukebox still offers four plays for a buck, and if you are Fonzie and know the sweet spot, you can get your selections gratis. We have a Happy Hour special on raspberry chipotle buffalo wings (with ranch, blue cheese, carrots, AND celery), cooked by my husband, and my famous crispy pepper bacon brownies. The early bird gets the worm. And when you have to use the restroom, it’s to the left, down past the pinball machines and Mrs. Pac-Man. Use the door for your gender (Jack or Jill), both written in Jack’s Barber Shop font. See you tonight!

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37 comments

  1. My..My..My! This post is outstanding. Font is a great word. I think I can change my font on my blog. I love words. And I love script. I also love Bock beer. So sign me up for the 3 buck pints. I agree about the hate for Comic Sans, that is uncalled for. I have never had Lemoncillo but I do like Lynchburg Lemonade. So once again… thanks for tickling my brain.

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  2. I have changed my font, too, several times, constantly looking for something less wispy and more readable. Yeah, I paid for the upgrade, Kerbey. I needed the memory space for photos, anyway. Don’t you?

    Jack’s Barber Shop looks good on a window front. On your blog, type font? I don’t think so. Just saying.

    I see my state will be Brooklyn Lager. Put me down for several. And I’ll bring at least one roll of quarters to play pinball and Ms. Pac Man on the way to the Jack.

    I love your post today. I don’t get the busting on Comic Sans, either, Benson.

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    • Hmm. Mark, you are making me question my desire for JBS on my blog. I had such convictions only 5 minutes ago! I didn’t know it took up memory. I’m sure I’ll need my memory for 8 billion more bxw pics of the past before we ride this whole WordPress thing out.

      I’ve never had a Brooklyn Lager. I will have one tonight and think on this. Why must you vex me so?

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  3. Mark is killing me today! So funny. This is a great post Kerbey! I’m just writing to RSVP. I’ll be there later today. Line me up a vodka soda won’t you? I got dibs on the jukebox. I’m thinking we kick it off with a little Bertie Higgins…then maybe some Hall n Oats before dialing it down with some Gordon Lightfoot and maybe a splash of Steelers Wheel…any special requests?

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    • I will. No well drinks for you. Premium vodka! Of course, Bertie. He’s the palate cleanser, along with the celery. Then H&O appetizer, I like it. We have to keep it upbeat thru Happy Hour, so they’ll keep buying drinks. If we play Piano Man, people will weep into their ale.

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  4. OK Kerbey, explain to me why you stopped the map at the 49th parallel. What about us dedicated Canadian readers? Huh? Huh? Sheeesh. Here in Ontario(central Canada and largest province) the most imbibed for the locals is Molson Canadian (also a personal favorite) at 5% alochol. For those on a reduced alcohol intake or visiting Americans there’s Coors Light (4% alcohol) ( http://www.thebeerstore.ca/beers/big-10-brands ).

    As for Fonts: I was blissfully ignorant until I went to B-school. There my eyes were opened to possibilities I hadn’t even known existed, let alone considered. My team included an ex IBM VP who lived for fonts. He was the undisputed King of Fonts. I was astounded. As a team we would finish a project and then Lou would work his font magic. When he was done the final draft, the difference was unbelievable. Our team of 5 (one of 10 teams in our city that year) got the highest marks in the class. I attribute that in large part to Lou’s font magic. The submitted project looked like something that came from the head office of a major international organization. Us regular people don’t even recognize that every company has a registered font and we automatically and subconsciously associate that font (along with the color – also registered and protected) with previous memories and feelings produced by interactions with that company. Companies have been known to live and die by their public fonts (which is a part of why they sometimes re-brand when the going gets tough). It’s an amazing process.

    Anyway, great post Kerbey. I follow your blog religiously but have to confess that I view it on my e-mail. What you do is striking and valuable – enough so that I don’t feel it needs any comment from me. Except, of course for beer posts. Ha! 😀 Keep up the good work.

    p.s. – I followed you here from Ned’s Blog. Skippy, ya know.

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    • Ned cracks me up. Well, let me say there were no maps of Canada that divided it up into anything but Molson Canadian, so Molson must have a monopoly on the entire country. Down in Texas, folks call Coors Light “piss water,” but due to all the Mexican food/people/customs, we drink a lot of Corona and Dos Equis instead of “domestic” beer. In any event, I have updated the post to please you because that seems polite, which is what Canadians are known for. Growing up, we were taught how rude the French were, so I don’t see how a person could be French-Canadian: does that negate the other? So confused.

      When I was in college, we drank green bottles of Rolling Rock, and thought THAT was Canadian. We were so international, like MasterCard.

      You have given a great example of the power of the font and advertising and its subliminal power. My first thought was that cursivey Coca-Cola writing. I do wonder what Lou, King of Fonts, is up to these days. And always feel free to comment!

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      • Ha! yep, Canadian dominates – we’re very fond of our country-branded beverage- but Quebec is Labatt’s Blue territory or as the locals say une Bleue s.v.p. tabernac (a french swear word refering to the church tabernacle – oddly enough most French swear words are church related while most English are sex related). Yes, the Quebekers are the black sheep of the Canadian family. In their defense, they are charged with “une joie de vivre” – a love of life. This includes a very emotional response to the world. So they are the most ignorant and in your face and yet the grandest lovers. They even drive with their emotions – a somewhat unsettling experience if you’ve ever been. Night Clubbing down on rue St. Laurent in Montreal is to die for. Miles of clubs with great crowds moving constantly from one club to the next. And the beautiful people everywhere. I had a French ‘”wife” for many years – she was entertaining to say the least. Smart lady – a director at Canada Post now – and very fashion conscious. Anyway, I digress – the French are generally very warm and welcoming but also very emotional. They are polite in their own very different “French” way. Umm, honestly there is an ongoing rift betwen the French and English here and they have tried to separate from Canada a number of times but have failed.The politics are abhorrent. It appears that we are stuck with them Ha!

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      • I’ve had quite a history/geography lesson here. I would have enjoyed that nightclubbing 20 yrs ago. So now that you’ve had a French wife, are you due for an English one? BTW, I’m glad that I now know that Quebekers are the black sheep of the Canadian family. I like to know whom to mock whenever possible. I took several years of French, but they must have left out that part about the s.v.p. tabernacle. 🙂

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    • Your vote doesn’t matter. Actually, aleheads.com confirms that you Ohioans (what are you called?) are tricky:

      Ohio: For a moment last week, I almost thought my selection of Columbus Brewing’s Bodhi might break the internet. Ohio’s Aleheads were elated. Ohio’s Aleheads called me an assortment of unfortunate names. No state elicited more commentary or debate than Ohio on the craft beer forums. I can see why Ohio is such a swing state in Presidential politics…Buckeyes are apparently a contentious lot.I was told in no uncertain terms that the Bodhi absolutely sucked. I love the rough and tumble world of Ohio craft beer. There’s a lot of excitement, anger, passion, and insanity there. While the Bodhi actually DID get strong support, Hoppin Frog’s Barrel-Aged B.O.R.I.S., Great Lakes Barrel-Aged Blackout Stout, Jackie O’s Dark Apparition and Maumee Bay’s Total Eclipse Breakfast Stout also got a lot of love. But the #1 beer in Ohio according to the commenters? Slouch Sixpack’s all-time favorite IPA, the Fat Head’s Head Hunter. And I, for one, look forward to more ad hominem attacks directed at me from the state that’s round at both ends and pissed off in the middle.

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  5. Kerbey ignored Hawaii on her maps. I am calling on my local Kahuna to place an appropriate curse on this post. You won’t be laughing when you turn into a pineapple that lives under the sea. Oh, wait a minute…

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  6. I will be back later to read this comment thread–need more time! Have never given much thought to font, but can see that it matters. lol, poor comic whatever it’s called. I like me some Times Roman myself.

    Agreed on the pitiful WP choices. It’s because they want us to pay for an upgrade which would give us more choices. I’m sticking with the free plan, though, so I’ll join you in snoozeville. (Though there’s nothing snoozy about your posts 😉 ) I’d also like to change font size, but it’s either too big or too small, never just right.

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  7. I’ve got the Custom Design upgrade on both my blogs too and love it. Actually one upgrade covers both blogs. As a graphic designer/webdesigner fonts are important to me besides the upgrade let you change the colour schemes on your blog as well and as Benson writes, it’s cheap. But when it comes to Comic Sans i must admit it has never been one of my favourites 😉

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