We passed this house on Saturday, in an older part of a nearby town. And while I realize its closets are probably small, and the bathrooms lack garden tubs, and the pantry could not fit a twin bed like ours can, and the hardwood floors probably squeak–I sure do covet that double-tiered wraparound porch. It almost demands that one saunter out to it, master of all you survey. What a joy to be headmistress of all you survey!
Sitting out there, sipping lemonade, thumbing through Southern Living magazines, waving to my neighbors–sounds peaceful. I would turn my ear to the melody of the ice cream truck, and it would stop just shy of my property, and children would race to catch it. They would pay $4 for a fudge bomb, and that would put me on edge. Perhaps I would rise from my rocker and raise my shaking cane at the man and his avarice. I would curse him and his dairy products. He would ignore me because I am old, and old people are invisible.
Wait, this isn’t turning out how I had hoped it would.
I would sit on that porch and put my feet up and eat a cheeseburger and look out over the subdivision and let them warn their kids about eating too much ice cream. Mine are grown. Job done.
Take my story instead, Kerbey. You deserve it in 20 years.
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A cheeseburger, eh? Would you wash it down with Naked Blue Machine smoothie?
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No, indeed. Unsweetened iced tea. Or Bud Light Lime if I were feeling weekend-ish.
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Can you use stevia? I go through several packets of spoonable Stevita each morning.
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I could. I have. I like the taste. But for iced tea, I prefer plain. It’s the pre-made stuff when I’m out and about that seems to give me the most problems.
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That is a beautiful house and you sure paint a lively picture. I can’t see you sipping lemonade, coke yes, lemonade no. I can also see you shaking your cane. What I cannot visualize is anybody ignoring you. They wouldn’t dare.
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Ha! I do drink lemonade several times a week. It is hard to keep away from sweet drinks! I have heard several “older” people I know talk about how they feel ignored once they’ve retired, how people tend to overlook them or not care about their opinions. 😦
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How sad. Now I need to leave so I can call my retired colleagues to tell them they matter to me.
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Don’t bother. They can’t hear you.
:0
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On a roll this morning Kerbey! My belly hurts from all this laughter. I don’t have the abs or bladder control to take much more of this.
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Nor I! I will also pee if I cachinnate (to laugh loudly and inappropriately). Another C word! I’m gonna “learn you” one more word:
cacotopia: a state in which everything is as bad as it can be
Now, really, shouldn’t that be CACA-topia?
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lol, you crack me up. If you can’t be happy in your own self-imposed dream sequence, you need some help 😉 (Says me who needs lots of help myself–but we can both look to Miss Piggy for that.)
My advice is to turn the iced tea into a mint julep (silver mug not required) and then you would be happy with the fudge bomb pop, too. And your day would be lovely. And yes you would wake up the next day hating yourself for the third and especially fourth mint julep (bomp pop calories went straight to the belly, btw), but at least you had the happy moments the day before. ?? And no cane shaking, no no no. Do not be a grumpy old lady, please. I talked to too many of those on the phone yesterday 😉
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Ha ha–I’m sorry you are dealing with grumpy old ladies. The chiropractor yesterday says I am arching back to compensate for hunching over. You can’t win for trying! I’ll be lucky to have the upper body strength to raise cain and shake canes!
Let it be known that I am not a one-drink anything. Not one Coke, not one julep, not one wine. One and two are starter courses for the entree drinks. And that is why my hips don’t lie.
You couldn’t really pay $4 for that, could you? I can get a whole pint of Hag-Daz or B&J for $4!!!
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lemonade, not iced tea. For an editor, I can be a lazy reader sometime. My bad. You can have lemonade if you must, but may I offer you just a wee splash of vodka?
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I like Arnold Palmers–lemonade AND iced tea. Vodka would surely only make it better.
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I hate it when daydreams get wrecked because you think too far down the line.
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Funny! I love that house.
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Reminds me of a smaller version of the house I grew up in (In NE Texas). It was a Victorian, circa 1880’s.
Great post.
I used to make homemade iced tea. Now I just buy the jug store-bought stuff.
How far do I have to sink?
Hahahhaa
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I have the jug tea in my fridge as well, along with two jug lemonades, so don’t feel bad.
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The jug tea really ain’t bad; I must admit. Caint vouch for the lemonade.
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Not the cheap powdery lemonade, the Simply Lemonade with 100% juice! Yum!
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I am a-fear’d, I might have to lace that with a bit of vodka.
🙂
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I come back for the conversation. I love your subscribers and how you interact with everyone. That house is beautiful. I can’t picture you curmudgeonly. Let’s have a wet bar put in so that we can have all the delicious choices in close proximity. And I’ll have my people contact Johnny Depp’s people to let him know we are vetting him to be our bar boy. All that’s left is the music selection, I leave that in your capable hands.
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Oh, perhaps he can do some Cocktails flair like Tom Cruise? I’ll let him know I like chilled pint glasses and my ale VERY cold. I hate tepid beverages. That would me a curmudgeon. Or cantankerous! You’re using big C words lately. Contemptuous…
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LOL! Yes, this week I’m loitering in the C section of my thesaurus. I quite like it here. I’m taking copious notes! 😉
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