Dog Beds For People

I don’t know if this happens to y’all, but many is the time I’ve passed an aisle of plush dog beds (at Target or Ross or PetSmart) and thought, Dang, that looks pretty comfortable. But then I look at the tag of $39.99 and I’m all Oh, no, Sir. Fact is, we tossed all our dog beds long ago because our dogs stay outside. They are shedders, and I keep a clean house, to the extent that when Stanley Steamer came a couple weeks ago, they said ours was the cleanest carpet they’d ever seen. And it’s eight years old!

Anyway, the point is, if I weren’t so hellbent on order and rules, I might just take one of my cushy couch cushions and fling it on the floor as a makeshift dog mat myself. But that is not how civilized people comport themselves. We do not sit on floors.

So you can imagine my surprise when I was flipping through a fantastic book, The Image Makers, and came upon this sight.

Rudolph Valentino, 1924
Rudolph Valentino, 1924

Yes, that’s Valentino himself, The Sheik, the silent film star, sitting on a perfectly good dog mat. But I guess when you’re wearing an Asian outfit, you sit on the floor like Japanese people do when they eat.

That makes my back hurt, just looking at it. Oh, my lumbar! But I tell you what. I think I see a dog bed right there under that jacket.

And while we’re on the subject of beds, let’s talk Valentino’s marital bed. In 1919, he married actress Jean Acker, who just happened to be involved in an all-gal love triangle with actresses Grace Darmond and Alla Nazimova. Acker self-servingly married Valentino to hit control-alt-delete on that threesome, but evidently wanted no part of his body and locked him out of their room on their wedding night. The marriage was never consummated. Not even in a dog bed.

Turns out he died at 31, after surgery for appendicitis and gastric ulcers. I’m not going out like that, just so you know. When the public found out, rioting ensued. People committed suicide. No lie! Over 100,000 folks lined the streets to view his body. Like this lady.


That’s crazy, right? Pretty fancy coffin/deathbed. And speaking of fancy, check out Toto…

I’m sorry, but unless that dog poops gold coins, I can’t see how he needs that. And honestly, it really defeats the purpose of having a mobile dog bed, something to toss all devil-may-care wherever you like. You already know my back hurts. If I’m ponying up big money for a dog bed, there better not be wood involved. It better be all cushion. Or better yet, just like this:


  1. Oh I do like that last picture. That is the sort of bed I need. I knew Valentino died young but I never knew his bride liked girls. Poor guy. Did he even have a clue? That is not the way to go out.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Max has a dog bed. It’s a queen size and it’s shared with me and the wife. Looking at that Valentino photo I kept wanting him to levitate. And, oh yeah, Japanese people sit on the floor all the time, not just when eating. Floor people.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Ellie B has a little mat and fleecie blanket we’ve put in the bottom of her crate, Kerbey. Then again, she usually sleeps on our bed or the couch. Congratulations on winning the Stanley Steemer cleanest carpet award! I’d say take a bow, but I know you have that sore back.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I remember reading about Valentino and his weird wife. I think it was in the book Hollywood Babylon (?). He was dreamy! Always thought that it would have been pretty cool to be in Los Angeles during the roaring twenties 😎👍 And, your last image of the “dog bed”, is locally known as a pillofa – a cross between a pillow and a sofa. Everytime I see one for sale at the furniture store, I have to force myself to NOT buy one. I don’t have that much room in my place! 😜

    Liked by 1 person

    • A pillofa? I want one just for me! I agree Valentino was dreamy. I think I read that book in the city library when I was a kid and saw all the pictures of dead celebs like Jayne Mansfield and Thelma Todd. It had all the dish.


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