Vegans and vegetarians, this post is not for you. Get on your bike and pedal self-righteously to a co-op and buy yourself more hummus and tofu, kale and quinoa. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. But this is for carnivores.
Ahem. I learned early on from The Smiths that meat was murder, but, then again,
And war is murder, and abortion is murder, and so on and so on. Now please make my steak medium rare.
Those of us of a certain age will remember this Saturday morning PSA, pleading with America’s then-non-obese children to not “drown our food.”
If you remember that, then you were probably wearing tapered jeans and shoulder pads when Sally (“Hot Lips” Houlihan) Kellerman exhorted us to come to Hidden Valley Ranch and slather copious amounts of the buttermilky goodness all over our baby carrots and celery sticks. It may be useful in getting your kids to EAT vegetables, but it’s a lousy strategy in TASTING them.
When it comes to steak, I can understand how some folks prefer grilled mushrooms on top, maybe some caramelized onions, even chimichurri on a flank steak. But for my money, a steak like this needs nothing more than the salt and pepper on the crust.
It is insulting to a chef to dine at his steakhouse and pour A1 and Worcestershire all over a fine cut of meat. Just say no to all of this!
Consider this ad for Hunt’s (Hunt’s, people! Not even Heinz, the real ketchup–pardon me, CATSUP) in 1952.
Either Dad doesn’t know how to grill a tasty T-bone, or that’s a perfectly good waste of beef. Ketchup on a steak is an irreverent, impious act against the inviolable laws of steak consumption. It just is. Frankly, ketchup serves its purpose best on potatoes. While we’re at it, can someone explain this to me? Is this corn beef hash and cole slaw?
And what on earth is this next one? Baked BEANS with ketchup? Is that meatloaf wedges as the accompaniment? Or are those pumpernickel slices? So confused. And where is the hand holding the bottles in all these images? Hunt’s is so magically buoyant.
Enough already! I need something that makes sense.
Ah, yes. There we are.
I Don't Get It 
Ads showing ketchup on a steak? Say it isn’t so…sacrilege! Great post, I really enjoyed it!
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i held my tongue from calling it blasphemous, so thank you.
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Hey, I can take the heat! 🙂 Just not the ketchup!
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I have a son who prefers hamburgers to steak, I think because he is lazy and hamburger is essentially pre-chewed. The only way he eats steak is with plenty of ketchup, so rather than have to watch that kind of abomination, we usually grill him a burger when the rest of us have the good stuff. It is cheaper this way. That picture of ketchup on hash is revolting, but then canned corned beef hash is too like cat food to be eaten. This humble opinion is not shared by anyone else I live with.
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YES! It’s just like Fancy Feast! A tough steak can really challenge the jaw (esp chicken fried steak), so I can see where he may enjoy a burger–but this is only allowable in minors, not full-on adults.
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Yeah, that kid is 18. NOT a minor. And my husband grills steak like a dream, so the kid has no excuse but abysmal taste. My pot roast is a different story; we could all use a little ketchup on that.
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Ahhhh, love 🙂 thanks for the laugh.
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