Lars & The Unreal Siri


I don’t have an iPod, an iPad, a Kindle, a smart phone, any of that stuff.  I don’t want one.  I dislike phones except for emergency use, and I dislike emergencies even more.  My decade-old son, however, has strained both his neck and thumbs, becoming acquainted with his iPod, and has been asking Siri questions.  Today, he asked her what her favorite color is, and she said, “Well, I don’t know how to say it in your language.  It’s sort of greenish, but with more dimensions.”  Pardon?

Then he told her that he loved her.  She told him, “You are the wind beneath my wings.”  Excuse me?

I am reminded of Ryan Gosling in Lars and the Real Girl, in which he is enamored with a blow-up doll.  Will this generation (devoid of any social interaction skills) skip the deviant inflatable girlfriend phase and go straight into siri-love?  Will adolescent boys and young men spend hours alone with their iPods, constructing pretend relationships, using the app “ispeech” to make a woman’s voice say exactly what he types?  Isn’t that a new pathetic level of loneliness?  That’s worse than bowling alone.

Maybe there is nothing new under the sun:  Janis Ian predicted it decades ago.

And those of us with ravaged faces
Lacking in the social graces
Desperately remained at home
Inventing lovers on the phone

The difference is–now the lover IS the phone.  Yeesh.

11 thoughts on “Lars & The Unreal Siri

  1. The only apple item I have is a Ipod shuffle my technically challenged wife bought me, other than that I don’t own or operate any apple products. Siri (based on commercials and TV) always sounds to me like a not to distant cousin of the GPS directions lady or On Star person. Since I dabble in voice over I found a online DYI tutorial on how to make and load your own vocal directions for a Garmin GPS turn by turn direction device. Now I can fall in love with the sound of my own voice


    1. That is odd bc most people hate the sound of their own voices. “I don’t really sound like that, do I?” I do believe you are correct that Siri is related to GPS lady. They don’t make them in Tom Selleck voice for the ladies, I guess. I’d rather he boss me around as far as directions.


    1. Mercy! I just like to switch it up. It’s been a rough summer and I haven’t been able to post much, so I gave it a facelift. You should just be glad I don’t have half naked Will Ferrell across the top. 🙂


      1. Hahahahah no I cannot imagine anything much worse than a half nekkid Will Ferrell. Maybe a half naked Kevin Rudd would be worse but I don’t even want to let my mind wander in tha direction!


  2. Great post! Your son and I asked Siri many questions the other day and she dodged some, saying that we were talking about “you, not me.” It was hilarious. Her programmers anticipated so many possible questions. Such weird exchanges passing for communication these days . . .


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