Every American girl who ever saw Grease wanted to be Sandy Olsson, to look like her and speak in her cool Australian accent. Elementary school had taught us about the nation’s indigenous kangaroos and koala bears, so we knew it must be the coolest place on earth.
When Elle McPherson graced the covers of our magazines and Nicole Kidman our movie screens, we wondered if they only churned out attractive people. Even our own celebrities were not immune to their charms. We couldn’t figure out why anyone would ever want to leave happy smiley Dennis Quaid, but Meg Ryan did it for an Aussie. Then Hugh Jackman and Keith Urban showed up on our radar, and that was all she wrote. By the time Take Home Chef debuted on TLC, American women could only respond with, “Yes, please.” Have you not seen Curtis Stone?
So I did what anyone else would do: I Google Mapped the directions to see how far Sydney was from my home. Google gave me 187 steps, #81 being “Sail across the Pacific Ocean,” and the last being “Turn right onto George Street.” It says it would take 503 hours to travel the 15,000 plus miles. The Proclaimers said they would walk 500 miles, but even THEY would not walk 15,000. I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that. So it was decided. Australia was no longer my destination nation.
That was, until this morning, when Jack Hanna described the tough armored bum of a Tasmanian wombat, and I melted at the sight of its face. Look at that.
Then I found out wombats viciously maul people, probably because it is in their Australian blood to eliminate humans. What is up with that? But then I saw this picture, and I forgave them. I figured they must have been provoked. He’s clearly not ripping her face off.
However, I read Bill Bryson’s In A Sunburned Country, so I know Australia is chock-full of the world’s deadliest creatures. Bryson made it clear that venomous creatures lurk at every corner, waiting to fell you. No snorkeling at Batt Reef for me.
But then I saw THIS!
I’m so confused. Should I brave the outback and its lethal creatures or just stay home?
I Don't Get It 
Since you seem to like wombats… check this out. http://strawberryquicksand.wordpress.com/?s=Baby+shower
And yes, wombats can be vicious. And they grunt at you when they are disgruntled. But they are cute. 😀
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Australia is full of nature, which, in my experience, just completely wants you dead, all the fucking time. That being said, sloths are adorable, and easily outrun. Go to Costa Rica, support the Sloth sanctuary, and have some chocolate. It’s warm, but closer, and fewer things will plot your death. I feel like that’s a win.
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Friends have told me it’s beautiful there. And a cheaper flight means more money for chocolate. And rum.
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I see zero problems with this new plan. Enjoy your trip. Take pix. Bring me back some chocolate.
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I say throw caution to the wind and go for it! Very Funny!
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This had me cracking up! I wasn’t able to resist the charms of the australian male especially not in my weakened state on new years eve at a club called love in manhattan…not kidding, as my very own mick is sitting here next to me I asked him “are wombats vicious?” And he says “come on jen all australian animals are vicious, you know that”…but you should go visit the beer is more dangerous than the wildlife 🙂
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I know this is gonna sound weird but wombats poop cubes (im not making that up, it’s a fact)! Thanx for liking my blog and for anyone who wants to visit, the address is http://www.thenewwrink.wordpress.com
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you don’t say? square scat? like little whitman’s sampler chocolates?
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I would like some poop chocolate as well^^
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Hi from NZ across the ditch from Aussie. Let me say wild creatures are not at every corner – unless they’re human ones! Oz is a great place, we down unders have to stick together 🙂
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My co-worker showed me pics from her trip to NZ, and it was so incredibly beautiful.
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🙂 sure is, though we’re looking a bit brown from the drought right now.
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