There was a movie that came out in 2011 called We Need To Talk About Kevin.  I didn’t see it because I’m not really keen on high school massacres; I’d rather laugh at Talladega Nights.  Dramas are serious, and serious sucks.  Hard.  Dramas don’t have lines like: Dear Lord baby Jesus, lyin’ there in your ghost manger, just lookin’ at your Baby Einstein developmental videos, learnin’ ’bout shapes and colors. I would like to thank you for bringin’ me and my mama together, and also that my kids no longer sound like retarded gang-bangers.

So we definitely do not need to talk about Kevin.  What we DO need to talk about is Stephen.  Stephen Pearcy, the lead singer of Ratt.  This is why we called them “hair bands.”

No, he’s not the tall drink of water who resembles the pretty Skid Row front man.  He’s the one in the Jackson Pollock jumpsuit, airing out his right nipple in the summer breeze. The one with the water balloon shoved down his pants.  It’s like Rolling Stones Sticky Fingers revisited, and no–I’m not posting that gag-inducing cover.  You can Google that yourself.

Another way to identify Stephen Pearcy is to find the one with a huge lock of hair in his face, spilling over his headband/bandana like some Purple Rain reject.

Prince’s Hot Rock?  Oy vey.

Three decades later, both El Senor Pearcy and the li’l purple one have managed to stay lean and mean, if not even leaner.  Stephen has added some ink and kept the scowl (eerily similar to today’s “Duck Face”), but he’s aging as gracefully as a rocker can.

Keep on truckin’.