Gaping Sinkhole of Conviction

Yep, another vapid self-indulgent 80s post.

I had MLK, Jr Day off and (in no way wanting to watch the inauguration) did what many of you did, which was pull out the The Definitive Air Supply Collection.  I listened to their litany of lovesongs, which include “love” in the title, just so there’s no mistaking:

  • Lost In Love
  • All Out Of Love
  • Making Love Out Of Nothing At All
  • The One That You Love
  • Young Love

So I’m listening to the angelic harmonies of the Australian duo, lost in love with Hitchcock’s smooth, buttery voice.  Aside from the random, space-agey swirly Steve Miller-esque noises, it’s a soothing mix.  Until I get to the mandatory Air Supply key change at the end, where he sings:

“Was I THINKING ALOUD?  FELL out of TOUCH.  Now I’m BACK ON MY FEET!!  Eager to be what you wanted.”

And I’m just visualizing him in his Conway Twitty tight-permed, lowbuttoned Hawaiian shirted, earpierced glory singing those words with conviction.  Like he MEANS it.  Like as he’s singing each line, he’s making the “reverse uppercut move”–the downward pulling fist, to emphasize the lyric.  This is no longer soft and easy; this is serious.  This man is BACK ON HIS FEET.

And I start thinking about the conviction that so many other songs of 80s yore possessed.  You better believe the last known survivor stalked his prey in the night.  There was absolutely no sleeping until Brooklyn.  When Pat belted “WE ARE YOUNG!”, I felt like I was being recruited into the battlefield of love.  And as sure as Kilamanjaro rises like Olympus above the Serengeti, there is no doubt that Toto blessed African rains (whatever on earth that means).

When the highwaisted Sasson jeans-wearing Journey frontman launched into the “Separate Ways” chorus, every single stilted word was in ALL CAPS.

“IF HE!  EV-ER HURTS YOU!  TRUE LOVE!  WON’T DE-SERT YOU!”  Steve’s not playing.  Check out those eight minute abs.

Current music doesn’t share the same passion, the same believability.  I mean, when you see LMFAO sing “I’m Sexy And I Know It,” do you agree?  Or do you think they’re sorely deluded?

Carly Rae Jepson sings on her Olympic-sized hit, “Before you came into my life, I missed you so bad, and you should know that, I missed you so so bad.”  Ummm, does no one else see a discrepancy there?  How does one MISS someone that one has never met?  How do you feel a lack for something you’ve never experienced?  And even the title says “maybe.”  Maybe?  Say it with authority!  Blondie didn’t sing, “Call me on the line, if you get around to it.”  It was simply “Call Me!”  And that’s an order.

It’s like when Randy Jackson tells “American Idol” hopefuls that they just didn’t connect with the song.  You’ve got to connect.  You’ve got to seep it out of your pores.  Adele may be rolling in the deep, but the rest of them?  Barely wading.


Observation and Interpretation:

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